Why do we suffer our success?

Is the definition of success today flawed?

Apr 03, 2022

Hey,

I hope you’re doing okay.

Been on the road for two months and looking forward to sharing my next monthly summary. Happy new month and I wish you the very best wishes in this quarter.

Stay Jiggy Always.

I wake up in the morning. My partner is still asleep on the other side of the bed. I can hear the sound of the ocean as the waves hit the shore outside our beach house. I wash my face in my fancy bathroom and brush my teeth. I step downstairs and can smell breakfast that the chef has just made. The kids are still sleeping.

The morning goes by. Everyone wakes up and gets ready for the day. I kiss my partner and kids bye as I walk out of the house. I enter into my Tesla and I’m off to work. My office is on the 19th floor of a 20th story building. In my mid-40s now, I’ve worked my ass off to get to this point in my career. I can describe myself as a success.

A good upstanding member of society. I’m active in the church/mosque. I take my family on vacations. I can afford most things that I want. I’m the perfect image of a human who is successful and this is very visible on my Instagram feed.

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This is what our idea of a successful life usually looks like. Just that in some cases, some people do jobs they absolutely do not like while others do things they enjoy doing. Either way, when you get to that point, you’re successful.

But at that point, do we truly feel like we’ve lived our best possible life?

I find that for most humans, our life path has been pre-conditioned by society and the ‘way of life’. And we’re often not fully aware of it.

We get born. Our parents take care of us as children if we’re lucky to have parents that stay throughout our childhood. We go through 15-20 years of school. Some people finish school in their early twenties. Others finish much later. We get a job or we start a business. Or both. The primary goal is to make money to take care of our needs & wants.

When you get independent enough, you ‘settle down’ with a partner. The primary goal again is to build a family, have kids and take care of those kids. We spend the next decades trying to make as much money as possible, ‘progress in our careers’ and help our kids grow. Kids grow enough to become independent and start their own cycle.

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At this point, life seems to stop for most people. Now in their late 50s or early 60s, there are not many options of things to do. A lot of time is spent at home, in the houses of their children, watching TV and more. Some continue working as long as they can. At some point, life ends.

Sounds quite familiar, doesn’t it?

One of my favourite myths to dissect is one of the most propagated myths in the world: When you become successful, all your problems go away.

It is usually a very sensitive topic for arguments. People who believe they’re not successful yet would say that they want to taste it first and decide for themselves.

In my experience, problems exist at every phase and stage of life. Yes, having money and resources gives a more comfortable and convenient environment to live but it often doesn’t equate to a better life.

I find that many people who have achieved ‘success’ are often worse off than people who are still striving for their own version of success.

Sadhguru says it is better to suffer failure than to suffer success. Someone who didn’t strive to achieve much in life and find themselves in whatever situation they’re in can’t complain too much. They didn’t do enough.

However, if you spend 50 years of your life in a relentless and never-ending race to the top only to discover an emptiness and that you’re still suffering within, then it might be fair to say you’re worse off.

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Most of us spend our lives doing three things: Sleeping, Working and Going through the motion of life (Social media and other things that distract us).

Do you genuinely think this is the best version of life you could live?

I believe that our current definition of a ‘successful life’ is heavily influenced by our learnings from society. The way things have always been. It is very easy for humans in a certain generation to assume that the way of life they live today is the only option and the way things have always been.

I believe a redefinition needs to happen on a personal level. I don’t think there is anything wrong with different phases of a life path as defined by society today. However, you need to think about each of them and determine if it truly adds to a fulfilled life for you. Question everything and make your own choices.

Do you really have to buy a new car? Do you have to live in the big city? Do you need all those millions to live the life you want to live? Is it important to you to become a managing director? Do you want to get married? Do you want to have kids? What do you want to spend your life doing and why?

It’s okay for it to constantly change as you grow and get access to more information. It’s okay to be contrarian. The most important thing is that you’re working towards your true definition of a life well-lived.

This way, when we achieve success in terms of the life we want to live, we’re less likely to suffer it.

Musings in My Head [MIMH]

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